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07 May
2017
It Takes One To Know One.
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De-Mystifying Self Doubt and Understanding Why You Need to Stop Indulging it.

You know people are eerily full of opinions. Even if you don’t ask them for one, they’ll be all too happy to give you one for free. Kind and considerate souls that they are.

Now the problem with opinions is that everyone has one. And they’re everywhere.

As my established cousin sister of 30+ years told me here, there is too much information out there and one of the hardest things to be able to do is to sort through all the chaos and look for things that really matter.

It’s pretty much the same with opinions. Everyone has one and it’s everywhere.

It’s important to be able to cut through to a positive one out of a mountain pile of negatives.

Now I’ve dealt with an incredible amount of self-hate.

I’ve done something praiseworthy yet I’ve told myself I could have done better.

I remember when my 12th Board Results came out the first thing I did was run out of my house and go look for someone to drink with.

Everyone at home was really happy but my score just wasn’t enough. I believed I could have done much much better.

I remember one of our contributions was about a girl who wrote about how when her friends would make fun of her initially it wouldn’t bother her as much.

But with time she started thinking maybe the fault lay with her. Maybe, something was wrong with her.

And it made so much sense.

This endless cycle of self-doubt and self-pity generally takes time to manifest and by the time it does it becomes the norm.

The first thing I remembered when I read it was an incident from my last day of school.

Emotions were everywhere and everyone was overly sentimental and the Upload Status on Facebook phase was already done with.

A friend told me - Bro, you’re a nice guy and all but you’re really weird.

Now I tried my best to keep a straight face and brush it off. And I probably didn’t pay much heed to it since we wouldn’t really meet after school but it stuck.

So, I went ahead and embraced it.

When college began I made it a point to let people know that I was pretty weird. By purpose. I kept a particular set of tests to judge if a person could really handle me in all my glory. (LOL!)

The point of it all was simple - I am super difficult to be around.

You can have a lot of fun with me but there will be days when I would not be at my best and it would be really difficult to be around me.

And you HAD to get that.

As would I.

It didn’t always work out and a lot of people who I thought would be MY kind of friend weren’t really. But, I did get a lot of amazing memories out of it.

I remember taking a creative writing class in college and I remember not once did I share anything I’d written because when I heard what my classmates had written I was just blown away.

The complexity of their characters, their story and everything else was, in my opinion, more beautiful than anything I’d ever written.

Anything I would write would be very very simple. Simple concepts, simple story and pretty much always very depressing.

Introspection is kind of my hobby so I asked around and thought a lot about it. Why would I not want to share my piece?

So I told people close to me about it.

And everyone told me what I already know - They’re good but you aren’t bad.

Yet, I remember very distinctly, I didn’t write for a while.

The point of all of this is to let you know that I get it. I get how we all compromise to not have to lonely. I get how looking at people’s success can incite self-doubt about your own worth.

I get how sometimes you just don’t engage because you’re worried people will judge you.

Those times when you could answer a question but you don’t because you don’t want to appear stupid, I get it.

And I can also tell you what all these articles keep telling you - You’re perfect and you need to realize that now!

But then you’ll ask yourself - Yeah? Then why don’t I feel that then?

So let me tell you something else.

You’re not perfect and you’re never going to be and all of this is mostly your fault. You’ve let everyone dictate how you should be.

Society has set certain standards that you’ve inadvertently set for yourself too.

Hence, you NEED to stop.

But, I know all too well how it’s easier said than done.

Everything is easier said than done. But do know this - Everyone around you is plagued by self-doubt too. It’s just how it is.

You can’t really blame them, can you?

There will always be over achievers.

There will always be someone better looking than you are and there will always be someone more fit than you.

It’s just the natural order of things.

Understand that.

You aren’t perfect. But, you are unique. Let no one tell you otherwise. Not even yourself.

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About the Author

Total Articles : 12
Aitijya Sarkar

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