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09 Apr
2017
It Takes One To Know One.
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Why do I feel the way I do?

I can't do psychedelic drugs anymore. This may not be the best way to start an article. But it's been a year since I’ve been having suicidal thoughts while tripping.
Do you ever come to a point in life where you realize all your life has been a lie?

I have tried to be this cool kid ever since I was in class 9 and today I sit in a room all alone, crying, while there are so many people I can talk to but no one to tell my deepest secrets to.

I have spent my life looking for love, realizing eventually that people can love you only if you love yourself.

And loving yourself is a difficult task altogether. I joined social media at a young age and was blown away by people I know sharing their fruits of talent with the world.

I turned into someone I wasn't and the journey continued for so long that I've forgotten who I was.

I meet people online – I am cool remember?

Then I meet them in person and they never meet me again.

Who wants to sit in silence with a woman who just looks out of the window and smiles now and then.

College is coming to an end. I don't feel like doing anything. I have nowhere to go. Nothing to do.

I just lie in bed all day crying, seeing my friends working their ass work, and crying more. Right now it feels like the end of everything. Everything there was, everything that’s yet to be.

I depend on people too much for my happiness, and I know it's wrong, but it feels so right. Just sitting here waiting for a miracle. Thinking someday these tears might turn into a magic potion that could heal me.

They say you have to bring the change you want in your life, but getting out of bed feels like moving a mountain right now.

I feel like I’ve been drowning in loneliness, sadness, people's victories, my own lies and dying leaves.

I don't do marijuana anymore like I don't do most things.

It's wonderful how I have been dying inside every day but I still don't have the strength to kill myself. I don't know what I was trying to write. I almost forgot.

For me, life begins and ends with the bed right now.

I make it out of bed every day, I hope I make it out of my life too. How long does it take for miracles to happen?

Note - This was to be posted in The Safe Haven but couldn't be since our site wasn't working properly. Hence this was sent in through chat. If you can relate to her feel free to reach out and offer advice. Remember she poured her heart out for you. :)

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