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07 Sep
2017
Question Hour.
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How To Forgive And Let Go Of The Shit You've Been Holding Onto.

This little note is for the stubborn ones. The ones with fire, passion, and dedication in everything they feel. They love to no end and they hate to no end.

It is for the ones who live in black and white, and do not settle for anything less than everything. The ones who struggle to forgive and let go. You know who you are. I am you too.

You cannot stand disloyalty and betrayal. You have a list of no tolerance policies.

You swing between the fringes of extremes. You do not accept the average and do not believe in leaving things halfway.

You are perfectionists. You are radicals.

I identify with you. This is for you.

I identify with you. This is for you.

Today, I want to ask you to write down a list of people you cannot forgive. Today, I want you to give forgiveness some serious thought.

The parent who was never there, the unfaithful lover from school, the friend who shared a sacred secret with your friends – Write their names down.

Now, rate each one of them on a scale of one to ten, with ten being the most likely to be forgiven. It is okay if you have low numbers.

Remember to be honest with yourself.

One day, we all must face the question of whether we should and how to forgive the people around us.

Whether it is to give them a second chance or to allow ourselves some peace – this question will arrive at you one day or another.

All I ask of you is to ask yourself this question today.

Are the people who wronged us worthy of our forgiveness?

Is it possible to forgive someone?

The answer is yes, to both.

Before you tell me how I don’t understand your circumstances, let me break down certain myths.

Forgiveness is not something you do for the other person. You do it for yourself.

It doesn't mean you are excusing the other person's actions. If you think their actions are bordering on violating your rights, don’t do it.

It doesn't mean you need to tell the person that he/she is forgiven. You do not need some eureka moment and a phone call to provide forgiveness.

You do not need to include that person in your life to forgive them.

Forgiveness doesn't mean you wouldn’t have any more feelings about what has happened. You don’t have to accept the situation was okay.

You have to accept that it happened, and it is okay now.

Forgetting is not the same as forgiving. Ignorance can be bliss, but you know how it can eat you up at 3 AM alone.

The reality is that forgiveness is a way of accepting the reality of what has happened and finding a way to live in a state of acceptance with it.

This is not a moment, it is a process and it doesn't necessarily have to include the person you are forgiving.

According to me, that is what the meaning of forgiveness is.

Yes, it is challenging. Yes, it is quite a rollercoaster of emotions.

Is it worth it? Absolutely yes.

To remind you again, forgiving someone is helping you. It is to allow yourself to let go of resentment, guilt, and anger.

Yes, forgiveness is a skill.

In fact, I am still working on it.

It wasn’t easy to adjust to the process, but it did make me a more accepting person in my relationships.

I became more forgiving with old friends, and my significant other.

Nothing they did was worth the mental distress it caused me to hold on to it.

Nothing they did was worth the mental distress it caused me to hold on to it.

So, this is for you, my stubborn ones. I identify with you. I am not your guru, just a fellow passenger walking down the same yellow road to a better life.

What I can offer are small ways to make forgiving easier. It worked for me, so why not try?

Take out your list. Read out the first name on the sheet of paper.

Think about what happened. I know it may be painful, or anger inducing – but try it. Accept that it happened.

Accept how you felt about it and how it made you react. In order to forgive, you need to remember exactly how you felt, and why.

Acknowledge the growth you experienced as a result of what happened. 

What did you learn?

Pat your head because you’re a stronger human being since then.

Now think about the other person. Remember, all human beings are flawed. Try to understand things from their shoes.

Maybe your parent was too busy working to provide for you in order to spend time.

Maybe your friend was looking for a popularity boost, so she spilled the beans.

Maybe your ex-boyfriend has been taught its ‘cool’ to be promiscuous. Objectively, think of why they did it.

Lastly, forgive them. Call them. Message them. Or simply, shower a big smile, forgive and cross their name off the sheet.

Forgiveness isn’t always about others.

So, forgive yourself for the guilt and resentment you thrived in all these years and months.

Let go, and forgive them.

And you.

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