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10 Jul
2017
Question Hour.
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The Wall and Us Vs Loneliness | Feeling Useless.

I believe every human being longs to be valued, understood and appreciated.

The bully from primary school longs to be noticed by his peers.

The Regina George of your college batch- just wants to be loved by her father.

The shopkeeper who remembers the names of each of his customers, he wants to be appreciated for his service.

The old woman in the park, she just wishes her children value her.

I know you want it too.

More than you’d admit out loud, but it sure does feel easier to nod to a bright screen, and your virtual friendly writer.

Nod away.

I know how it is to feel useless.

It is a terrible feeling.

The agony of not being important enough, the confusion of not fitting in, and the struggle of not achieving your targets - It hurts.

I sometimes lie in my bed wondering why I can’t be a better student, friend, significant other or daughter.

I feel like an insignificant speck in others’ lives and a failure by virtue of my inability to make a mark on them.

I, too, wish to be valued, understood and appreciated.

It does not matter what you do for a living, how much money you make or how many loved ones you have.

If you think “success” is the answer to the nagging feeling, you are wrong.

Nothing material could ever replace the feeling of being wanted by someone.

So, don’t suffer in silence, dear reader.

Let’s talk.

If you think you have no one, start by clicking on the chat button you see at the bottom of the screen.

There are enough young minds struggling with this feeling of inadequacy and failure and don’t know what to do about it.

Let’s break the silence, and talk about feeling useless.

Useless is an adjective that describes a noun that has no use and is not serving any purpose.

You are not just a noun.

You are a person, with a past, and a future. You have had experiences that cannot be quantified.

You are the sum total of each of your experiences, positive or negative.

You are useful.

Your use is to serve yourself good experiences that help you grow.

Your use is not to make millions, get a ninety-nine percent, or go for a party every Friday night.

Your use is to serve yourself the best you can provide.

That is your purpose.

Your purpose is to become the best version of yourself.

The best version of you does not need to have a mansion in South Bombay, admission in an IIM or a large circle of friends.

The best version of you cannot be quantified in terms of material ‘things’.

Your best version is not what you want to be, it is who you want to be.

Like I said before, nothing material could ever replace the feeling of being a good person.

Thus, you are not useless.

The voice in your head that tells you otherwise – Cut it off.

Remind the voice that your only purpose and use is to give your hundred percent to yourself.

It may not be enough for others, but it is enough for you. Nobody can strip off your right to know what's best for you.

Shut that voice down. It is not you, and it is not real.

If another person validates that voice, shut them down.

If they do not value you, it is not your fault. Value is not inborn or natural. It is nurtured. Nurture value for yourself.

Now, we have established two truths.

One, you are not alone in this. Everybody feels this sense of despair at some point, and we understand.

Second, you are not useless. That word cannot reduce you down to a noun that serves temporary use or purpose. You are much beyond that word.

There are three more truths to get you through tonight.

I’ve mentioned this before.

Your professional, academic or social success does not make you valuable.

When you consider your life valuable and worth living, that is the moment you are valuable. So work hard, don’t settle into cardboard dreams that people design.

Create your own idea of who you want to be, and work towards it.

I have always been a ninety percenter and studied in my top college choice.

It did not take away the nights where I felt I was worthless, and I had no future.

Fourth truth is that you do have strengths.

If you have something you’re good at, you cannot be useless. Don’t treat yourself like a SWOT analysis, and leave the answer on a piece of paper.

Nurture what you’re good at, and what makes you happy.

Lastly, you were not meant to fight this battle alone.

If you reach out to the right person, they can be your Hand of the King.

Nonetheless, they cannot be the King for you. Your first moment of bravery is to break the silence.

Don’t keep it all together, break down, and open up. Let your loved ones take a load off your back, and help you get that throne.

It may seem hard, but nobody said it would be easy.

I believe every human being deserves to be valued, understood and appreciated.

And my reader, so do you.

*Image - Akshata Timmapur.

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The Wall and Us Editorial Team.

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