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09 Aug
Random Musings.
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How To Deal With The Hateful Talk That Goes On Behind Your Back.

You've heard it. You've probably indulged in it. 
You've done it. 
I am talking about the rather new millennial phenomenon - 'Bitching'.
Let's break this down, shall we? 
A bunch of friends meet. They decide they should hang out sometime. 
The casual - "Ghar aaja bro. Chill karte hai!", is thrown around. 
They make a plan, exchange a few messages on Whatsapp and lo and behold - They finally meet. 
You're still in college or working so you have a beer or some Old Monk in your hand. 
Silence all around. 
Just the sound of shady Honey Singh or Raaftar blazing through this one Bose speaker whose owner sits awkwardly in a corner looking at his phone. 

One looks rather lost in this Hindi movie that plays nonchalantly on this flat-screen awkwardly perched on the wall. 

One scrolls through his feed on Facebook.

One puts up a story on Snapchat or Instagram. 
Frustrated with the silence all-around this one guy says, "Bro this Aitijya is such a c*uti**. Facebook pe dekh kya karta raita hai."
Laughter all around. If I am lucky - Some disapproval. 
Some agree. 
Some add on it. 
But, look at that. A beautiful conversation starter. 
And I helped. 
Truth be told, people have always spoken about me behind my back. 
When I was 7 and my family was in shambles because of my father's mounting debt - They would talk about me, my family and comment on our sad little situation without blinking twice. 
When I would drink for the first time, and break down hopelessly people would say I was a weirdo and a sly smile would be thrown towards me every once in a while. They were talking about me. 
They would talk about my sister who was fighting for her life without even knowing the whole story. 
In my first year of college, I was branded a weirdo. 
Everyone wanted the happy, drunk Aiti. No one wanted the real me. 
Or maybe I made some wrong friends. 
In my second year, I was a bewda. 
In my third year, word would spread that I had made a stint to rehab. 
I never did. 
In my fourth year, the strongest I've been in ages, people would still drag up my past. 
My alcohol and pill abuse days would get a mention here and there. 
And this is a person who doesn't even know me. 
She doesn't even know the whole story. 
It hurts. Sure it does. 
I am more sensitive than most. 
I hurt a little more than most. 
But, trust me, it doesn't bother me as much anymore. 
It just doesn't. 
And I'll tell you what helped me and hope that it works for you too. 
Judgment, criticism, laughter at your expense, and pre-conceived notions - They won't stop. 
Here is the punch line - 
No matter what you do or who you become there will always be someone who wouldn't get it. 
I also had this epiphany. 
The ones who indulged in such conversations are the ones who lead rather empty lives. 
I'm not giving into hate here. 
Rather, I feel for them. 
The unending emptiness they must feel deep inside them to have to 'bitch' about someone behind their back and pass it off as harmless banter.
They have nothing to talk about. 
Even if they did, the people around them don't let them talk about the things that matter to them. 
So they resort to the one thing that unites them all - Hatred. 
Have you ever noticed how hate and pretense get more appreciation from the people around you than love and kindness? 
That's because hate is easy. Kindness and empathy
takes a little more work. 
Plus, when everyone is doing something why should you be any different, right? 

That's when you take a stand. 
That's where you draw a line. 
That's when you don't give in to hate. 
Now, I understand. 
No one likes rumours being thrown around. 
But, the truth is, the only way you don't let these affect you is by beginning to love yourself. 
After my brush with near insanity, I am convinced that the only real purpose we should strive to achieve in our lives is to just be the best version of ourselves. 
Be the best you, you can be. 
Are they talking about you? 
Let them. That's what they've always done. 
It's easier to talk about someone else's problems than to accept who you are and how incredibly empty your life really is. 
Believe me when I tell you - If they had happy and fulfilling lives they wouldn't have to laugh at your expense. 
Understand that. 
Once you do, such hateful talk rolls off your back a little easier. 
Embrace who you are. Love yourself. And understand that people will always talk. 
All you have to do is not let it get to you to the point where it cripples you.

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Total Articles : 12
Aitijya Sarkar

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